What is the Reality Behind the Dream School Concept?"

Does your senior tell you that they have a “dream school?” Before this dream becomes your financial nightmare or your student’s heartbreak, here is some advice: Ask your son or daughter why it is their dream college. If the answer is, “They say it is the best college for XYZ” or “It’s really highly ranked,” or “All the top kids are going there,” it should raise a red flag for you. That is a dream not necessarily based on reality. That is second- or even third-hand knowledge and/or based on the opinions of others. Have they visited? Have they visited other colleges to compare? Have they done substantial research on several colleges? Do they have a reasonable shot at admission? Have they investigated the financial ramifications of attending their “dream school?” Does their dream school even give non-need-based merit money? Have you had a conversation with your son or daughter about financial realities?

To me, after a student visits a certain college at least two times and totally falls in love with the place—the people, the faculty, the campus, the dorms, the food, the town, the cost—this college is truly (based on reality) a dream college for them. [Note: I understand that, for some families, visiting colleges, especially far from home, is not always possible, but there are ways to do (even very personalized) visits via Zoom and online virtual tours.] Pay close attention to the interest that they show in YOU! Demonstrated interest is a two-way street.

Do students still make several in-person visits to colleges? It seems to me (remember: I am a “boomer”) that students do not do as many in-person visits as they used to. I don’t have data to back that up, but it is a sense that I get from talking to families. How can a student really feel passionately about a college without a visit or two? Do students really have to apply to 20 colleges? Five or six should be plenty if they have done enough visits.

As I am typing this essay, November 1 has come and gone. Many students (including those who never even visited the campus) will not get into their “dream college.” But they will end up somewhere, and that somewhere most often turns out to be the best decision they ever made. As the song says, “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” I encourage students to be open to many different colleges and many different types of colleges. The “dream” will evolve after visiting a few of them and picking a favorite. Until then, please encourage your students to live in the real world and enjoy the ride!

More about November 1:

There are hundreds of colleges, especially small private colleges, that still accept applications and award merit scholarships after November. So, if students are looking for a Plan B (less expensive, closer to home, or perhaps have decided not to take a gap year after all), they have plenty of colleges to choose from. Most of these small private colleges are also awarding generous merit scholarships.